Since I came back from Stockholm at 15th November 2008, I could not go back to my life. It is not because of my 3 weeks in Sweden with YLVP. It was because of my life in Egypt, when I left it I forgot that the life in Egypt is changing every mint. So if you left Egypt , do not think that you will return back and found it as it were before. It makes me remember why I hate travelling out side since I was young. Because I hate this quickly changes which you find yourself forced to live with, and it will not give you any chance to enjoy your life again. Some people think it is the "taxes" of travelling abroad. But I think it is more than that. It is the life itself which you waist outside dreaming of something you will make when you go back to home, but when you go home you could not have enough time for your dreams, so you start challenging the time or, in other words, you challenge your life before you travelled abroad which does not exist any more, because every thing in Egypt has been changed a lot and a lot while you were a broad. And all of your planning will not work any more.
Since I was young I have a strong passion to know the future. I hope if the idea of "Time Machine" is something real, so I can see myself after 10 years: how I will look like? And how will every one I know look like? Who will still alive and who will be dead? Where I will be and with who? But I did not ever put full scenarios for it or expectations. And when I studied "Future Studies" and the professor asked us to put the nearest, the near and the fare scenarios of our lives I put one but I did not feel it or believe in. I did it as a homework which I have to do. While I put the beast scenarios of the future of Egyptian political parties press in my year. And I thought at that time: it is a silly thing to tell all of these people your personal scenarios. But it was not the problem. The problem is that I am always afraid of the worst scenario of my life. And the worst for me contains the death of someone has a special place in my life. And, unfortunately, this is what I live in now.
Before I go to Stockholm, my mother made surgery and she starts recovering her health. And one day, while I were in Stockholm, I had a bad dream about my mother seeing her has problems in breathing. And she was really sick. But with cancer casing pressure on her backbone and she needed urgent surgery. And the problem was not in making tow surgery in less than one month with high level of Anemya which threatened her life. The problem was in having cancer with very bad previous experience for my family.
Since I was young I have a strong passion to know the future. I hope if the idea of "Time Machine" is something real, so I can see myself after 10 years: how I will look like? And how will every one I know look like? Who will still alive and who will be dead? Where I will be and with who? But I did not ever put full scenarios for it or expectations. And when I studied "Future Studies" and the professor asked us to put the nearest, the near and the fare scenarios of our lives I put one but I did not feel it or believe in. I did it as a homework which I have to do. While I put the beast scenarios of the future of Egyptian political parties press in my year. And I thought at that time: it is a silly thing to tell all of these people your personal scenarios. But it was not the problem. The problem is that I am always afraid of the worst scenario of my life. And the worst for me contains the death of someone has a special place in my life. And, unfortunately, this is what I live in now.
Before I go to Stockholm, my mother made surgery and she starts recovering her health. And one day, while I were in Stockholm, I had a bad dream about my mother seeing her has problems in breathing. And she was really sick. But with cancer casing pressure on her backbone and she needed urgent surgery. And the problem was not in making tow surgery in less than one month with high level of Anemya which threatened her life. The problem was in having cancer with very bad previous experience for my family.
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